My Peace

It took time, but I finally found my peace. It's not a constant state of contentment; rather, it's an understanding of my soul, my spirit.

The relationship I wanted to salvage the most was the very one I had to let go of to regain my peace. It wasn't about him, nor was it about me entirely; it was about a part of me. When I was with him, my emotions, thoughts, and the image of myself I held had lost their peace.

This realisation, that has nothing to do with him or the relationship we had, isn't a cure; it's a continuous journey of self-discovery. Life still triggers me, but I'm learning to navigate it differently now. I've gained a profound understanding of my untouched, beautiful soul—the child within me scarred by trauma, the teen grappling with disappointment and fear, and the adult who once blamed and judged out of fear and protection.

Through meditation, I've become the observer. I am the awareness, the untarnished soul. Here, I am also the triggered child, the scared teen, and the perpetually learning adult. Armed with this knowledge, I find peace.

I've learned a few strategies that helps with intrusive thoughts or worrisome scenarios in my mind. When fear or anger creeps in, I remind myself, 'I am safe.' I'm not in an abusive relationship, a hostile country, or an oppressive job. I am safe, and for that, I am grateful. I repeat “I am safe” as many times and as often as I need to.

Life inevitably disrupts our peace, but I recall Eleanor Roosevelt's wisdom: 'No one can disturb your peace without your consent.' This doesn't mean I won't be triggered, angered, or hurt, but I can sit in awareness, recognising that these events merely poke at parts of me I've learned along the way. Acknowledging these thoughts and emotions, allowing them to pass with the understanding of their origins, swiftly restores my peace. No engagement, retaliation, comment, judgment—just acknowledgment and release. Back to peace.

Your soul, your spirit, resides in perpetual peace; it is your essence. Return to yourself, and you'll find your peace.

Remember, you are not your thoughts, emotions, body, fears, or joys. You are the experiencer, the observer. You are the moviegoer; the rest is the experiences going through you. Finding peace is a blessing, anchoring yourself during disruptions is a gift. It requires relentless practice. Meditation helps with this. Distinguish between 'Frank' and 'Alfred'; it's never me, my brain is talking. I am the quiet listener, peacefully detached.

Losing the love of my life taught me this. I am transformed—calm, peaceful. Life's rollercoaster was my classroom. I navigate differently now. I embrace me, including the insecurities, experiences, and situations that brought me here. Gratitude fills me. Sitting in my peace is a practice I aim to cultivate, anchoring myself when triggered. Triggers are inevitable, but my reactions are optional. A wounded child gets triggered, and I am the adult who found peace through soul-searching, tears, failures, meditation, exercise, breathing, acceptance, and awareness. I am peace.