Your Brain Can Be a Bit of an Asshole

Ok, maybe not all the time. Your brain does have all the utensils to make you feel good. It releases dopamine and endorphins. It can serve up positive self-talk and affirmations like a wellness guru with a podcast. And yet... it often chooses to make you feel like crap.

It tells you your hair looks bad, that you’re out of shape, lazy, overworked, tired, or that you’ll never find love. That your career sucks. That you’re undervalued. And on and on and on it goes.

But hang on a second, you’re the captain. Why is your brain the one steering the damn ship?

Let’s talk thoughts.What are thoughts, really?

Simply put, thoughts are our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world around us. Sometimes they’re useful, when they help us plan, organise, remember things, or take action. But other times, they’re total jerks. They can be negative, confusing, self-contradictory, and downright unkind.

So here’s the important question: Are you your thoughts?

Nope. Not even close.

Your thoughts are offered to you by your brain for your consideration. Like a committee member pitching a weird idea in a meeting. You don’t have to accept it. Your brain is a survival tool, not your true self. And when you start identifying with your thoughts, that’s where things can get messy.

Having a bad thought doesn’t make you a bad person. Your brain is simply doing what it’s wired to do, scan for threats, imagine worst-case scenarios, and try to keep you safe. But you don’t have to believe everything it says.

I learned a great trick from Mo Gawdat’s book Solve for Happy: name your brain.I call mine Brian.

It sounds silly, but naming your brain helps create distance. Brian can offer his thoughts, reflections, and unsolicited commentary, but it’s me, not him, who gets the final say. I can choose to embrace, ignore, question, or laugh at whatever Brian presents. I’m still the one in charge.

Now, Brian can be helpful. He reminds me to take the washing out, helps me write lesson plans, and sometimes pumps me up before a date by telling me how fabulous I look. But then there are days he’s a bit of a downer. He’ll tell me I wasn’t productive enough. That my workout didn’t count. That no one will like me with my hair like this. He even brings up that one dumb thing I said in a meeting five years ago. Thanks, Brian. Very helpful.

It’s important to notice when Brian is being useful, and when he’s just throwing a tantrum.

Here’s a trick for today:Let the phrase "Is it true?" follow each thought you're having.

Like:“Everyone’s going to judge me for not wearing makeup today. I’ll look ugly, and people won’t like me.”→ Is that true? Probably not. Honestly, no one’s even paying that much attention. Most people are too busy worrying about their own hair. But Brian noticed, and he’ll be sure to remind you.

Most thoughts that feel like facts… aren’t. They’re driven by fear, insecurity, and the desire to control or be liked. They’re not based on reality. They’re just old patterns, Brian’s outdated software trying to keep you safe. But guess what? You are safe. You don’t need to predict every outcome or people-please your way into protection. You can let go.

Especially during grief, anxiety, or emotional chaos, your thoughts may not be your allies. That’s when it becomes vital to ask:“Is this thought helping me? Or is it dragging me deeper into the spiral?”

You can’t stop thoughts from coming. That’s not the goal. Instead: Pause. Observe. Challenge. Then let them go.

The more you practice this, the more you’ll start to recognise patterns in your self-talk, and change them if they’re not serving you.

You are not your thoughts.It’s just Brian talking. And while Brian means well, sometimes he’s scared, powerless, and dramatic. Sometimes he needs to be told gently, but firmly, to sit down and just be quiet.